Facing Tomorrow
by soulmates
Summary: How Meredith will face tomorrow now that Derek's secret is out. This picks up right where the show left off at the end of season 1.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Facing Tomorrow

(Meredith/Derek)

Disclaimer: The characters are just that, and don't belong to me.

Summary: This picks up where episode nine left off for the summer.

Please cut me some slack here, this is my first time writing. Constructive criticism and ata boys appreciated.

Meredith stood there in stunned silence. Did this woman just say what she thought she had? Maybe this day had been too long and now she was hallucinating. One minute she and Derek were talking about steak, wine and rules, the next some stranger was introducing herself as Derek's wife and accusing her of "screwing her husband". How could this be? And what did it mean? It was almost too much to process at that particular moment. Even on a good day with a full night's sleep it would seem like too much to process. What was happening to her world? And why was Derek just standing there saying nothing. Well, he had said one thing the moment before this Addison person walked up, right? Yeah, he said, "Meredith, I'm so sorry". This must be true then, why else would he have said that? As Meredith's mind raced with these questions and realizations, the only thing she suddenly wanted to do was to get out of there!

As calmly as she could, almost as if she was in an altered state, Meredith turned and spoke to Derek.

"Could I please have the keys to the car and the house?"

Her cold calmness unnerved Derek and it took him a moment before a reply came.

"Meredith, please give me a moment and we can go home together like we had planned."

Slightly irritated this time she said, "Derek, just give me the keys to MY car, so that I can go home to MY house, by MYself, and you can have all of the moments you want."

"Mer we need talk, remember? We need to talk and I want to talk, so please lets just go together like we planned five minutes ago."

"Five minutes ago you didn't have a wife as far as I knew, so I think it would be safe to say that things have changed a bit since then. Now, I have had a very long day, and we are not going to talk because I don't have the time nor the energy right now to listen to any more of your crap that you might be spewing! I want the keys, and I want them now!"

Derek quietly took the keys out and handed them to her. As he placed them in her tiny hand, he said in no more than a whisper,

"I really am so sorry".

Meredith quickly left down the hallway without so much as acknowledging this woman claiming to be Derek's wife. As she fought between anger and tears, she made her way out of the hospital, and one word kept repeating itself in her head again and again, "UNBELIEVEABLE!"

Meredith just sat, sat in her car, didn't know what to do, where to go, or even how to react. After a few minutes she decided that she wasn't ready to deal with this at the moment, and that meant that she couldn't handle the roommates right now because they would want to know what was wrong with her. George and Izzie meant well, but Meredith just couldn't handle it right now. Many times before in Meredith's life, when she was having a tough day, things were going badly, or she just needed some space to think, she would drive. So she put the keys that Derek had just given her moments earlier into the ignition, started the car, and drove off.

Meredith drove for what had to be hours. She played one scene after another through her mind. They were scenes of her and Derek over these last few months since she arrived at Seattle Grace to start her intership. She replayed the first time she met him at the bar, that hazy first night together after too much to drink, the first time she spotted him at the hospital, and all the times he tried to persuade her to just go out with him. She thought about the shared passionate kiss in the elevator and the way his intense eyes looked at her over the operating table. She felt such a connection to this man. She ran through the nights they had been spending together. When was the last time that they hadn't spent the night together? She remembered wanting more info about him as their relationship progressed, and his ultimate response being to "have faith", and she had. He had so many opportunities to tell her about this before now, why hadn't he? Why when he took her to his trailer that night had he not told her then when he was busy sharing so much else about himself? Why, why, why? She had come to believe in him, in them. So much so that she had shared her secret with him today. Admittingly, nothing compared to his little secret, but nonetheless she had. She remembered very vividly the last time they had made love, and she thought they were making love. They had never said those three little words to each other, but if she were being completely honest with herself, she knew she had wanted to. Again, why? Was this Addison right? Where her and Derek just "screwing"? She knew she wasn't, but apparently, he was.

Exhaustion finally started to take over as Meredith headed for the house. She quickly and quietly entered the darkened, silent house and went upstairs. As she sat on the edge of her bed trying to decide what to do next, the tears finally started to come, and once they had, she didn't think they were ever going to stop. She had been hurt before in the past, but something about this felt different this time, a different kind of hurt/pain. What was she going to do? How was she going to face her friends, her co-workers, and how was she going to ever be able to face Derek? How was she going to face tomorrow?


	2. Chapter 2

When Meredith awoke a few hours later, two thoughts ran through her mind almost simultaneously. The first was that she could barely open her eyes and she wondered why. Then the second, more painful thought crossed her mind. The memory of Derek, and what had transpired the previous evening. Now she knew why she was having difficulties with her eyes. They were swollen from extensively crying herself to sleep early this morning. She wondered why she had to wake back up so soon to this realization. She had only been asleep for a few hours and didn't have to be back at the hospital until 4 tomorrow morning. She wanted to sleep away the pain until that was no longer a possibility. As the minutes passed she sensed that that moment had arrived because her body would not allow sleep to return. Finally Meredith gave in to this fact and stumbled to the bathroom to find a warm, wet washcloth for her swollen, encrusted eyes.

As Meredith lay with the cloth over her eyes flashbacks of last night at the hospital with Derek and his wife zipped by in her mind. What was she going to do? She knew she would have to face the music sooner rather than later, so she got up, brushed her teeth and hair, and went downstairs to start the inevitable task of facing this mess she had gotten herself into, and unfortunately was going to have to get herself out of.

As she entered the kitchen, only Izzie was there, baking up some new dish and having her morning coffee. Meredith quickly walked behind her to get to the coffee maker. Now that she was down there, she didn't know what to say. Izzie spoke first, "Good morning Mer, I didn't even know you were here. I thought maybe you guys stayed over at Derek's last night. We probably need to make more coffee."

Meredith just responded with, "Is George here?"

"I don't think so, he had a hot date with his girlfriend last night. He was still pretty upset over the whole Alex thing, but I guess he still wants to see her."

"Oh, well…Derek's not here either, so I guess its just us girls. I'll make more coffee later if we need it."

"Wow, that hasn't happened in a while. Are you two finally starting to get sick of seeing each other constantly?"

"I wouldn't say that exactly."

"So do you have any plans for today?" Izzie asked.

"Honestly Izzie, I'm trying not to think about today."

For the first time Izzie turned to look at Meredith.

"Mer, is something up? What's going on?

"I'd really rather not talk about it right now, but I know I'm going to have to eventually, and eventually soon, so I may as well start now. Atleast you're my roommate, my friend."

The tone of her voice told Izzie that something WAS up, now she just wondered what it was.

"I'm not sure how exactly to say this Izzie," Meredith started, "but I met somebody last night."

Izzie's mind quickly went to work with this piece of information. Meredith 'met somebody last night', who? And what does this person have to do with her strange mood right now?

"Who…who did you meet last night?"

"Her name was Addison Shepard."

Still not making the connection, Izzie asked, "Okay, so who is this Addison Shepard?"

"She introduced herself as Derek's wife."

Just as Meredith spoke the words, George walked though the kitchen door.

"His What?", Asked Izzie and George in unison.

"You heard me right, his wife, Derek has a wife!"

"Oh my Gosh Mer, I'm so sorry, I don't know what to say. What did he say to you?" Izzie inquired.

"Damn him! He actually made the point once to tell me that he was not using you! What a Jerk! How could he do this to you?" George was outraged.

"I didn't stick around last night to hear his explanations or excuses, but I can't think of any right now that would ever be able to excuse such deception. I know we'll have to talk eventually since we work together; I'm just not ready for that. For that matter, I'm not ready for tomorrow, for Bailey, Derek or Addison." Now Meredith was back to fighting the tears again.

Izzie asked "Is there anything at all we can do for you? This just has to be a terrible shock for you."

George walked over to Meredith and held her in a hug as she began to cry again. "We'll help you get through this, I promise."

Izzie joined them, "Yeah, don't worry Mer, we'll face tomorrow together."


	3. Chapter 3

"Beep, beep, beep, beep…." Meredith reached towards the sound trying to make it stop. She was able to, only to have it start again five minutes later. As much as she didn't want to get up at that point, she realized she had to. She should have felt well rested today, even though it was only 3 am, because of her lengthy drug induced slumber, but she didn't. Either way, it was time to rise and attempt to shine. As she stood in the shower waking up Meredith decided it was time for a pep talk with herself. She told herself that twenty-four hours of feeling sorry for herself was enough, and it was going to stop before she walked through those hospital doors this morning. She was not going to let Derek, and more importantly Addison, see her like this, or know the effect this news has had on her. Derek had called both the house and her cell phone numerous times yesterday, but she didn't talk to him. She couldn't, she was still trying to wrap her head around the whole thing. But today, today was going to be different. Today she was going to be more angry than hurt, and not sit around completely self absorbed in the whole thing. Today she would hide the hurt away, so nobody could see the impact this was having on her, an impact not even she herself completely understood.

When Meredith got downstairs Izzie and George were waiting for her, fresh coffee and all. They had decided yesterday that they would ride in together today in an effort to help support Meredith both before and after work, they wouldn't leave her alone today with all of the unknowns. Meredith appreciated their show of support, but knew the next shift she would have to be on her own. As they drove to work George asked again, "are you sure there is nothing else we can do to help?"

"Listen guys, I can't even begin to thank you for all of your support yesterday and I wish there was something you could do, but I don't even know what today holds. I'm just grateful I have friends who I can talk

to and count on. I will tell you that I'm feeling a little bit better today and I'm going to go into the hospital today and put on the best possible front that I can. I'm going to be strong and I'm not going to let Dr. Derek Shepard control my world. I can, and will, get through this one day at a time with a little help from my friends," she smiled.

When they entered the locker room a few minutes later, Christina was already there, and the first thing out of her mouth was, "Gee Mer you look like crap! What happened to you?"

Meredith looked at Izzie and George, "Do I really look that bad? Why didn't you tell me? You are supposed to be my friends, remember?"

"Meredith, it's not that bad" Izzie replied, "plus remember you haven't put any makeup on yet this morning since your eyes were watering when we left the house."

"You guys drove in together today? What's up with that?" Christina asked

"Its kind of a long story, I'm sure Meredith will fill you in on all of the details when she has more time and some privacy." George said

"Really it's not that long of a story and this is much more private than say, the hospital waiting area in which I was informed. Christina, I met Addison Shepard the other night, Derek's wife" Meredith said bluntly. "Now that we've gotten that out of the way, I'm going to go attempt to apply a little bit of makeup. I certainly don't want to look my worst when I encounter my ex adulterating boyfriend, now would I?" And with that she headed towards the nearest mirror, leaving Christina with her jaw dropped.

Izzie turned to George, "that's our girl, she'll be fine."

Christina, half talking to herself said, "Dr. McDreamy has a wife?"

When they met up with Dr. Bailey for the beginning of their shift instructions, Meredith quietly prayed that this would be a day where she would not have to work with or come in contact with Derek. Highly unlikely, but she was allowed to say her silent prayers all she wanted too. When they broke to go their separate ways, Dr. Bailey stopped Meredith and said, "Are you alright today, have you had enough sleep, did you catch the flu bug from Christina?"

"No Dr. Bailey, I'm fine, I've had plenty of sleep, and I don't believe that I have caught the flu bug from Christina. Let's just say it's safe to say that you told me so, and now I have to deal with some unfortunate consequences."

"I guess that means you have met Dr. Shepard's wife, Dr. Addison Shepard from New York."

Meredith thought "just another blow I didn't need, nor expected. She is a doctor! Once again she heard the word UNBELIEVEABLE repeating in her mind.

Bailey said, "You mean to tell me that you didn't know that either? I was actually starting to think that you two had something real going on here. I certainly hope that the two of you can continue to have a working relationship around here if nothing else." As Meredith just stood there in silence Dr. Bailey ever so slightly felt a twitch of sympathy for this woman. The two of them together was actually starting to grow on her as time passed and she saw them together and admired their professional working relationship. Not too many people were able to pull that off.

"Meredith, I'll try to do whatever I can to give you some distance from him over the next few days, but I can't make any promises. And I don't want to have to be the one to point this out right now, but I did tell you so."

And with that Meredith just walked away to start her morning assignments, leaving Bailey behind with the belief that there were some true feelings there, at least on Meredith's part. Damn him she thought. What the hell are wrong with people sometimes, messing with others like that? Who did he think he was anyway? She didn't have any more time to ponder the issue which is one more reason she wished it wasn't an issue to begin with.

Meredith managed to make it all the way to lunch without having an encounter with either one of the Drs. Shepard's. As she sat there at lunch with a few of her fellow interns her pager went off. Feeling slightly irritated that she only got to take two bites and had not eaten in 24 hours; she excused herself and left the table. When she got up to the patient's room that she had been paged for, the only person she found there was Derek. Once she took in this observation she turned around to leave.

"Meredith, c'mon please talk to me. Even if you don't want to on a personal level, we definitely should on a work level."

With her hand on the door she turned to him for just a moment and said, "Dr. Shepard, next time you want to reach me for personal reasons, please do not use my pager to page me to a patient's room."

"Well you won't answer your phone, so what do you suggest I do?"

"How about if you just forget it for the time being, that would work for me, because I would be hard pressed to find any reason to believe a word that comes out of your mouth! Plus we were just 'screwing around' right? And I don't think that qualifies for a full blown explanation. We had no rules, right? So be it! Now you and the misses can go and live happily ever after, or whatever it is that the two of you have going on."

"That's just it, we don't have anything going on, not anymore, this is what I want to explain to you."

"Like I said, you owe me no explanation. If you really wanted to explain it to me, you've had the last few months to do that and chose not to! Let's just keep business business, and drop this personal crap!" And with that she left the room, leaving Derek there realizing that the consequences from his actions, or actually lack of actions, were going to be far greater with Meredith than he could have ever foreseen.


	4. Chapter 4

That first shift went well for Meredith, besides Derek paging her to the patient's room. She saw no more of him than from a distance, and didn't have the misfortune of encountering Addison either. Unfortunately the next shift was much different; she had run ins with both of the Dr. Shepard's. First she encountered Derek in the hallway. As they approached one another he stopped.

"Meredith, can we talk now?"

"Not unless it's about work." She stated emphatically.

"It's on both a personal and professional level." He replied.

"What is it Dr. Shepard?"

He leaned towards her and said, "I miss you."

"That doesn't sound professional at all to me."

"Well it is both. I miss not only being with you outside of the hospital, but also alongside a patient and across the operating table. I know I'm not supposed to, but I do." He said quietly.

"Maybe you should have thought about that before your wife showed up. Now I have to go and assist Dr. Burke. Tell Addison that I said hello." And with that she walked off.

After assisting Dr. Burke in surgery, Meredith was cleaning up when Addison walked in to scrub in for her own surgery she was getting ready to perform. Meredith was attempting to ignore her, but Addison would have none of that.

"Dr. Grey, I want you to stay away from my husband. I'm here now and we are going to work things out."

Meredith said nothing.

"Do you understand Dr. Grey?"

"There is nothing for me to understand. That works great for me because I don't want him anymore, so he is all yours for the taking! Now you'll just have to convince him that he wants you back!" And with that Meredith walked out.

As she walked out to her car that evening, Meredith noticed someone standing near it. When she got closer she realized it was Derek standing next to her car. When she got to the car, he asked, "Could we please go somewhere and talk now?"

"No, but I do want to relay a conversation that I had with your wife earlier. She informed me that I was to stay away from you because she was here now to work things out with you. I in turn told her that was great because I no longer wanted you. Now would both of you please leave me out of your personal lives and stay out of mine!"

"Mer, I don't want her, I want you! There is nothing for Addison and I to work out, we are done and over with, all but the waiting period for the divorce to be final. You and I on the other hand have plenty to work out. I don't want to stay out of your personal life because I want to be a part of your life."

All Meredith kept thinking was 'if that was all, then why didn't he tell me this before?' As she went to get in her car she said, "Goodnight Dr. Shepard," and she drove off leaving Derek standing in the dark parking lot by himself, more frustrated than ever with himself, Addison and even Meredith.

The next few days went by with relative calm concerning Meredith's personal life. She and Derek didn't have any words unless they were regarding a patient or work, and Meredith managed to not have any more run ins with the other half of the Dr. Shepard's duo. Alone after work is when Meredith had the most difficult of times. It was then that her thoughts got the best of her, and her emotions took a front seat instead of a back.

One evening Dr. Bailey came up to her and said, "I realize you're near the end of your shift, but I need you to scrub in, you're the only one available at the moment Dr. Grey. With Yang out this shift we are busy and running tight."

"Okay no problem let me just get a coffee and I'll be off to the OR. Is that okay?"

"Yes, but one more thing Grey. It's with Dr. Shepard. I'm sorry, I've done my best on the distance thing, but now I have no choice. You can do this, right?"

"Yes, of course I can Dr. Bailey, don't worry. I shouldn't have put you in this situation in the first place, and I appreciate your consideration this past week or so. I'll be fine, thank you."

When Meredith entered the OR a little later, Derek looked up at her, but neither spoke a word. He was just so glad to be in the same room with her, without her being so visibly upset with him. The only words exchanged over the next couple of hours were those pertaining to the surgery. When she came to stand next to him, he could smell the distinctive smell of her hair. Their eyes met numerous times and spoke volumes of the feelings that were there, even now. There was hurt and pain there too. The last time their eyes met at the end of the operation they held for longer than a moment. Suddenly Meredith couldn't look away, nor could she stop the tears beginning to form in her eyes. Derek noticed the tears welling up, but felt like his hands were tied and he was unable to respond, to put his arms around her like he so desperately wanted to do. She decided to excuse herself before the others in the OR noticed what was going on. She was tired; she told herself that was all. She just needed to get out of here and away from Derek. Being this close to him for an extended period of time was more difficult than she thought it would be, and she hated him for that. She hated him for that and the fact that he had a wife that he never told her about. She felt like she was coming apart at the seams! She needed to sleep; everything always looked and seemed better after sleep.

Meredith didn't hear the phone ring, but Izzie came and woke her to tell her she had a call. When she answered the phone it was the residence home where her mother stayed.

"Dr. Grey"

"Yes"

"We wanted to let you know that your mother was just taken to Seattle Grace Hospital."

"But why, she seemed fine when I visited with her last?"

"She had a seizure, and is now unconscious, other than that we really don't know."

"Thank you."

Almost mechanically Meredith got up, showered, dressed and headed back to the hospital. Her life felt as if it were spinning out of control


	5. Chapter 5

When Meredith got to the hospital she found her mother conscious and under observation, but unfortunately not lucid. In the morning they would run a series of test to help find out what was wrong with her. Meredith thought how her secret would be out to everybody in short time. And with that would come questions and concern all the way from her friends' to her mother's, as well as the staff of the hospital. She sat by her mother's bed as the daylight broke, trying to decide how she would, or could handle another difficult day.

Just as Meredith had anticipated word traveled quickly through the hospital. Fortunately it was her day off and she didn't have to field questions from Izzie, George, and Christina. Derek and Bailey were off and Dr. Weber was out due to his "secret surgery." Her mother was gone for several hours having a multitude of test and returned more confused than ever. Finally that evening, the doctor assigned to her mother showed up with a probable diagnosis, and told her that to confirm the options for treatment he would be asking for a surgical consult on her case. Based on the Cat Scan and MRI they felt that she had a Meningioma , and after the consult he would have a better idea on all of the options available to Meredith and her mother as far as treatments go. Meredith knew what all of the possible options could be, she just wanted someone to tell her what the best one would be for her mother. She was completely responsible for the decision as far as treatment went and what her mother would want. Maybe her mom would have a moment of lucidness where she could ask her what she wanted them to do.

That evening, her mother was resting peacefully so she decided to go home and try to get some sleep herself since she had pre rounds in the morning. When she got home, Izzie and George where there so she decided to share the news and fess up at that point. No time like the present, right? This way she would actually have two less people asking questions of her tomorrow. They listened attentively and didn't interrupt her.

Izzie finally said quietly, "I'm so sorry Mer, I wish you would have told us, or at least felt what you could have told us, but I completely understand."

George said, "I'm sorry too Mer. Wow, when it rains it really does pour. I know we keep asking this, but is there anything we can do?"

"No, not unless you can deflect some questions for me tomorrow, but thanks. I just really need to try to get some sleep, but as always thanks for your support, and I too am sorry. Sorry that my life is such a mess right now and that you have to somewhat be subjected to it and me since we are roommates."

"Hey, we told you we would help you and face things together Mer. We're not only your roommates, but your friends." Izzie smiles slightly. "By the way, when is the last time you had a bite to eat?"

"I really don't know to be honest, but at this point I don't have the energy for that either. Goodnight guys."

When she got back to the hospital the next morning Meredith quickly checked in on her mother and thankfully found her peacefully sleeping. After checking with her nurse and leaving the message with her to contact Meredith immediately if her mother was having a lucid moment, she headed back downstairs. She really needed and wanted to try to get her input on her diagnosis and possible treatment plan.

After Dr. Bailey noticed Meredith's late appearance and gave marching orders to everyone, Meredith asked for a moment to talk with her. She explained the situation with her mom and that she understood she needed to be out on the floor and possibly in the OR with Christina being out again today, but also had some decisions to make today regarding her mother.

Dr. Bailey said "Meredith you need to do whatever you need to today regarding your mother, just keep me posted and take as much time as you need."

"Thank you Dr. Bailey, I'll do that."

The day was very chaotic and long for everyone and it had been hours since Meredith had checked on her mom due to being in surgery. When she went by later the nurses told her that she was having a surgical consult. When she walked into the room, there stood Derek with her mother. She walked over to her mom and kissed her forehead, held her hand and asked, "How are you feeling mom?"

"Well, this very nice doctor came by to see me. Are you going to be on my surgical team too?" Ellis Grey responded to her daughter.

"No mom, it's me Meredith, your daughter, and I really need for you to try and focus for me so that we can talk about some important medical matters concerning you."

"The only medical matter that I want to talk about right now is the upcoming surgery I need to perform."

"Okay mom, could you give me just a minute please? Dr. Shepard and I need to talk for a moment." And with that she motioned for Derek to come outside of the room with her.

"Dr. Shepard what are you doing in there with my mother?"

"Your mother's doctor asked me for a consult. How are you doing, are you holding up okay?"

She really wished that he would stop going down this caring path with her, but she answered his question anyway. "Just fabulous! I'm a surgical intern who normally functions on a small amount of sleep in a week, who now has her only living family member in the hospital possibly facing a major surgery, but because she suffers from Alzheimer's I can't get an opinion out of her so I'm being faced with making the decision myself. People in the hospital come up and want to talk to me about my mom and her condition all day long and I have to try to be pleasant and answer because they are my coworkers and many use to be hers. I couldn't even begin to tell you the last day, let alone time, I ate anything. And oh, did you hear? The man, who I thought was my boyfriend, has a wife! How do you think I'm doing?"

Derek felt even worse that he was part of what Meredith had to be dealing with at that moment. She had called him her boyfriend. He wasn't sure how to respond, or even if a response was appropriate, but considering they were standing in the hallway with people nearby he opted to keep it professional.

"Would you like to know what I think about the surgery option?"

Meredith weighed this option for a moment. "Yes, Dr. Shepard, I suppose I would. I might not respect you much as a person, but I do as a doctor and I need some advice so I can make the best possible decision for my mom's medical care."

Though the comment stung Derek, he started telling Meredith what his recommendation would be for her mother's condition. Basically they felt the tumor was benign, but couldn't be certain until they got in there. He felt they needed to remove as much of the tumor as possible in order to hopefully alleviated the pressure on her brain, and therefore the seizure symptoms she was now starting to exhibit. After the tumor resection and biopsy they would be able to go from there depending on their findings as far as a treatment plan. So basically Derek was confirming what she already knew for herself. As she pondered this for a moment longer, she made a decision; she needed to make a decision.

"Can we go ahead and schedule this for tomorrow? I'm still hopeful that my mother will come around some time today so that I can talk to her about this, but I also feel that I need to go ahead and make a decision. You have just confirmed what I already knew was coming, so lets go ahead and take care of her the best way we know how."

"I'll take care of scheduling the OR Mer."

"Thank you and I'll let you know if anything changes on this end."

"Mer, why don't you come downstairs with me and let me buy you something to eat, I'm sure you need it my now and you need to keep your strength up."

"Thanks Dr. Shepard, but I just can't do that right now."

"Will you at least let me know if there is anything I can do Meredith?"

"Dr. Shepard, you have already, unfortunately, done plenty." Meredith stated as she walked past him back into her mother's room.


	6. Chapter 6

As the next day dawned Meredith was attempting to take a "cat nap" in her mother's room. She was little more than half way through this 48 hour shift, and really just wanted it to be over. She had minimal sleep and only a couple of bites to eat. Her mother's surgery was scheduled for later that morning, with Derrick performing it. The unbelievable irony of the whole thing struck Meredith as funny. She couldn't remember the last time she found something funny. It was simply amazing how quickly things could change!

After rounds, Meredith went back to her mother's room only to find Derek there once again. Ellis Grey was awake now and Derek was speaking to her as a doctor about a patient with her real life condition at the moment, and he was asking her advice. Ellis was in her element here, and in complete agreement with Derek as to what the treatment plan for this patient should be. On his way out, he said to Meredith, "She completely agrees with the treatment plan and the surgery, good, right? Now you know what she would do in an indirect way, for one of her own patients. I hope in some small way this helps you. By the way, where will you be during your mom's surgery?"

"I can't watch, so I thought that I would try to stay busy. Can you just page me when it's over and let me know how things went? Otherwise, I'll be in the OR waiting room or back here in her room."

"Sounds good, now why don't you go visit with your mom before her surgery, and page me if you need anything." Derek said, wishing that Meredith would ask for his help, his shoulder, something.

As he turned to walk away Meredith spoke. "Dr. Shepard, thank you, I think that does help in some small way." She was gone before he could respond.

Later that afternoon Meredith's pager went off and she rushed to meet Derek. When she got to recovery he was waiting for her.

"Everything went as well as could be expected," he said. "Your mom should be out of recovery within a few hours. It was exactly what we suspected, so that is good, but I wasn't able to get it all without risking the optical nerve. That is intact and we can attack the remaining portion of the tumor with radiation. I got most of it."

Meredith felt a sense of relief. She thanked Derek, and went in to see her mom.

Later that night they moved her mother to ICU while they waited for her to awake from surgery. As the minutes passed Meredith found herself less and less reassured about the situation. Around midnight Derek stopped by to check in on Ellis (and Meredith even though he would never admit that to her). He found Meredith sitting next to her bed, awake and watching her mother. When Derek entered the room he said quietly to Meredith, "How is she doing, any changes?"

"No" she replied, "Do you think we should be concerned?" Meredith spoke as if she had no medical background at all.

"No Mer, I just think that she had major surgery and its going to take a little while longer for her to come around. Can we step outside and talk for a moment?"

"Sure" she replied thinking that this had something to do with her mother.

In the doorway of her mother's room Derrick once again spoke of how they really needed to talk, how he needed the chance to explain to her what had happened and why. He told her that she deserved to hear the truth.

This was almost more than Meredith could take at the moment. Why would he not stop pushing this issue? Didn't he understand that she just couldn't handle this right now? She needed space from him, not him in her face. She also needed sleep, food and for her world to stop spinning, but that apparently wasn't happening either. She looked him dead on in the eye and asked, "Why do you keep pressing this issue? What is it that you want or need to hear from me?"

"Meredith I just need the opportunity to explain, to make things right with us again. I screwed up and I need you to listen to me."

"I don't think so, otherwise you would have said what needed to be said some time in the last few months. I think you just have some perverse desire to know that you have turned my world upside down. Is that what you really want, to know that you have affected me and how? Because if it will get you off of my back and out of my life I will be more than happy to oblige."

"Meredith that is not what I am trying to say at all! Please don't put words in my mouth. I never wanted to hurt you, that was never my intention!"

"Well whether you meant to or not, you did! Is that what you so desperately needed to know?" She said as quietly as she could with tears in her eyes. "It feels like you ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped all over it. It feels like I can hardly breathe sometimes because it hurts so badly! Is that what you wanted to know?"

"Meredith, please, no! I'm hurting too; please let's go somewhere more appropriate so that we can have this conversation." As Derek spoke he saw Meredith's eyes noticing, and then watching something in the distance. As he continued to try to plead his case with her, her eyes never left their new focus. Then slowly she walked away from him without ever looking back. Derek turned to watch her walk towards a man at the entrance to the ICU. Then he watched her walk right into his arms and start to sob. He was a large man, especially in comparison to Meredith's small frame. He was tall with a large, but handsome build and approximately 30-35 years old Derek would have to guess. He held Meredith quietly for what seemed like forever to Derek, while running his hand through her hair and holding her tightly. When Meredith calmed down ever so slightly he said to her, "now how am I suppose to be there for you when you won't even tell me when to be here?"

Still crying she said, "I'm sorry Tom."

"No need to be, I'm here now if you want or need me. I'll leave that up to you."

"I'm extremely glad you are here, but how did you know to come?"

"Meredith, you spoke volumes yesterday on the phone without saying very much."

"If I forget to tell you later, thank you." She said.

"You are more than welcome, now how is your mother?"

"She is doing as well as can be expected. We are still waiting for her to wake up. She hasn't been out of recovery long, come in and see her."

"One more thing Mer, I would say you probably haven't eaten or slept in quite a while. Am I correct?"

"Pretty much, why?"

"Because I am here not only to support you, but to take care of you until you get your feet back on solid ground. I'm not sure completely what is going on here, but I know you are hurting and I know you are my best friend and it's not only my job, but my desire to take care of you. So, first things first, we'll go in and see your mom and then I'm going see that you get what you need while we wait. So that means that there will be food and sleep in your near future like it or not. And don't think you're going to give me any flack over this either, because like it or not, I know you better than you would ever like to admit, and I know what you need."

Derek's interest in this man "Tom" was definitely piqued. He obviously knew her quite well and Derek wasn't sure how he was feeling about this newest development. He knew he wanted him to take his hands off of Meredith. He knew that he wished Meredith had held onto him and cried on his shoulder that way, but beyond that, he was confused.

Meredith didn't have the energy nor the desire to argue with Tom, she was just so glad that he was there. A tried and true friend that she could trust and lean on. Tom was always the best. They were just the right people at the wrong time when it came to being a couple. As they walked towards her mother's room, and Derek, she held on to him like he was the only life preserver in a storm. When they got to the doorway where Derek stood, Tom introduced himself to Derek, and told him that he would like to talk to him a little bit later about Meredith's mother's condition, but first he wanted to spend some time with Meredith.

For the first time since his wife arrived from New York, Derek started to question if he would ever get Meredith back, or if he had just gone way out of bounds on this one and it was the end of them, for them. As soon as he had this thought he dismissed it, because it was not something he was willing to accept at this point. He knew in his heart of hearts that he and Meredith were not just a casual fling as she was thinking now, but something more. The biggest question remaining was how he was going to get Meredith to realize this, accept it, forgive him, or ever trust him again.


	7. Chapter 7

Tom and Meredith entered Ellis Grey's room to find no changes in her. She was still in a deep sleep, but Meredith decided that Derek was right and there was no need for worry at this point. As Meredith stood next to her mother's bed, Tom walked up to her and said, "She'll be fine, I'm sure that you only allowed the best to take care of her."

"I tried, but there are no guarantees in life now are there?"

"No there are not, but I know you, and I know that you always try to do the best, and make the best decisions for everyone concerned, especially your mother. I know you think it's easy for me to say, but try not to worry. I'm actually worried about you right now too. So what would you like to do first; eat or sleep?"

Meredith looked at him and smiled slightly even in her exhausted state. Wow, he was a sight for sore eyes, and just as cute, handsome, and sweet as ever. Why had they parted ways? Ah, yes, life taking them two different directions, mainly with their careers, and Meredith's lack of being willing to settle down just yet. She had her internship and residency, and he had the chance at an awesome career with a great corporation. 'The choices we make,' she thought. "Well I'm too tired to chew or swallow, so I guess it will have to be sleep. But I don't really want to do that either because I want to be here when my mom wakes up."

"How about if you sleep and be here when your mom wakes up?"

"What do you mean, there is not another bed in here and I've already tried to cuddle up in that chair" she said pointing to an oversized, fake leather-type chair near the window. "It's totally uncomfortable, even for an exhausted individual."

"It must be pretty bad, because I thought that you could sleep just about anywhere," he said with a small grin. "How about I sit in the chair, and you cuddle up on me? Maybe that will help with your comfort level. It's worked before. That way, you can sleep, while still being here when your mom wakes up. But you have to promise me one thing."

"What?"

"That you will eat something when you wake up."

"Okay, I'll give it a try. You have yourself a deal."

Tom sat down in the chair, slipped off his shoes, and opened his arms to Meredith. She sat on his right leg, slipped off her shoes, brought her legs up and started to try to find a comfortable position for sleep. Tom was right, it had worked before, and it worked quickly this time. A quick thought crossed her mind that this might be a little awkward for the two of them, but it wasn't, it was actually very comfortable between them, always had been, and comforting for her. She felt so secure here in his arms, and things didn't feel as wildly out of control as they had these past couple of weeks. Feeling more content than she could have imagined an hour ago, Meredith quickly found sleep in Tom's arms.

Meanwhile, Derek decided he needed to crash for at bit too, but didn't want to leave the hospital until he was sure everything with Ellis Grey was stable, so he crashed in the doctor's lounge. A couple hours later as he was having a dream about him and Meredith, a familiar female voice called him in the distance. In his dream he and Meredith were in her bed passionately kissing, on their way slowly to something bigger. Suddenly something was very different about their kissing, actually disturbing to him, but as he called out her name he was startled awake by someone smacking him across the face. Stunned, he yelled, "what the hell?" Then he opened his eyes to find Addison standing there next to him. "Addison, what are you doing in here and why are you slapping me across the face like that?"

"First of all, I'm a doctor too, so I belong in here. Secondly, we were kissing for the first time in ages, and you had the nerve to call out another woman's name! Meredith's!"

"She is not another woman, she is my girlfriend Addison, and I wasn't kissing you, I was kissing her! So it would only make since that I call out her name. I was finally getting some sleep, having an enjoyable dream about how things use to be before you came to town. Whatever this fantasy is that you are having about the two of us getting back together again, you can just forget it Addison! I have absolutely no intention of being with you or around you! So do us both a favor and sign the divorce papers and take your ass back to New York where you belong!" Derek stormed out the door of the lounge before Addison could say anything else. 'Damn her!' he thought, they had an agreement on their divorce and now she was trying to renege on it. He knew she couldn't be trusted.

After walking around for a few minutes to calm down, and getting a cup of coffee, Derek decided to go by Ellis Grey's room to check in on her and see how she was currently doing. When he got to the doorway of her room, he found himself amazed, scared, and he thought the other feeling might be jealousy he was experiencing. On the other side of the room was Meredith sleeping on this guy Tom's lap, wrapped in his arms, in the hospital chair. Derek didn't like this at all, he had to admit to himself that he was insanely jealous, not an emotion he was use to feeling. Though he found this unsettling, she looked totally comfortable and he didn't want to disturb her because he knew, like Tom, that Meredith definitely needed sleep. Tom saw him in the doorway and waved him on in. "Everything okay here with Dr. Grey and her surgery?"

"Yes, just fine, I was just checking in on her, but don't want to disturb Meredith just yet. I'll go and make the rest of my rounds and then come back to examine her mom."

Tom thanked Derek for stopping by to check on Ellis and for allowing Meredith to sleep a little bit longer. Derek left the room feeling like he had just been punched in the gut, leaving him having difficulty breathing for a moment. How had he allowed this situation to get so out of control he thought, and how was he ever going to make it right again. Meredith was sleeping at her mother's bedside in another man's arms, and his wife was currently working in the same hospital as him on the other side of the country. He need to straighten this mess out, but also needed to tread lightly because of Meredith's fragile state at the moment. He promised himself right then and there that he was going to fix this seemingly impossible situation one way or another and make it right for him and Meredith again.


	8. Chapter 8

When Derek had finished all else that he had to do, he returned to Ellis Grey's room. Unfortunately, he also still found Meredith sleeping on Tom's lap. When he entered the room he told Tom that he would just quietly check Dr. Grey and Meredith could page him when she woke. While he examined her, Meredith started to stir. Derek heard her say to Tom, "Wow, how long have I been sleeping? I haven't slept that well in a couple of weeks. Those arms are as good as ever."

"I'm glad to hear that sleepyhead, see some things don't change."

"Thank goodness because I don't know how much more I can handle right now. Speaking of change, how is my mother doing, any changes with her?"

"No, but Dr. Shepard is here right now examining her, so you woke up at a good time."

Meredith thought 'easy for him to say, I might have to disagree with that.' She slowly started to move to get up when Derek said, "Meredith, we're going to give your mom a few more hours to wake up and then we will start doing a couple of test just to make sure that everything is as it should be. I'm really not too concerned at this point, but I'll want to make sure if this continues. She is resting comfortably and all of her vitals are good so there is no reason for concern there, I just want to make sure that we stay on the safe side." As Meredith stood and stretched, Derrick asked if she had anymore questions.

"So you'll be back in a few hours to check on her then, and decide what to do at that point if she is still not awake?"

"Yes, that will be the plan," Derek said plainly, and his new attitude didn't go unnoticed by Meredith.

Tom said, "That will work out great Meredith, you can get a shower, get into some of your clothes and I'll go and get us some breakfast to eat here in the room. Thank you for stopping back by again Dr. Sheppard."

"Your welcome, it was no problem at all. Meredith, page me if you need anything in the meantime." And with that Derek walked out of the door and straight into Addison.

"What now Addison?" Derek asked impatiently.

"My, my, aren't we a little grumpy this morning?" She retorted

"Only because my sleep in the on-call room was interrupted by some obnoxiously annoying person during the night."

"Ouch! What's the problem babe, girlfriend hasn't forgiven you yet? Or could it be that juicy young man that she spent the night with? Possibly both?" Looking at them through the doorway she said, "they do make a cute couple don't they? And they seem very comfortable around each other."

Derek didn't need Addison pointing out the obvious to him. "Did you need me for anything Addison because I have other things to do?"

"I need you for plenty of things, just like I know you need me. How about we meet back at my hotel room this afternoon?" She said playfully.

Derek just couldn't believe this, and as he looked back through the doorway, he saw Meredith watching them now. "Addison, I'm not meeting you today, or any other day, now leave me alone unless you have signed divorce papers to give me."

"Well darling, see that is where we have a little bit of a problem. I can't sign them because I don't truly believe that it is what either one of us wants right now. Sure you're upset now, but given the chance I am sure we can work through it. And if you want me to sign the papers, you are going to have to give me, us, another chance. Let me know when you want to get together to iron out the details of our reconciliation." As she turned to walk away she added, "And Derek, you'll have to get rid of your little girlfriend too."

Derek was so mad at that point, that it was probably a good thing that they were there in the middle of the hospital. He turned to look at Meredith again, but she was no longer standing there watching him. He wondered how much of that exchange she had heard, if any.

About an hour later Derek's pager went off. He was being paged to Ellis Grey's room. When he arrived Dr. Grey was stirring and mumbling with Meredith there at her bedside. Obviously she and Tom had been eating some breakfast and Meredith had recently gotten out of the shower because her hair was still damp and smelled fresh with the shampoo that he enjoyed so much. He examined Ellis and everything appeared normal and she was in a slightly confused state. That was until Tom stepped up next to Meredith by the bed. Ellis Grey focused in on him and said, "Tom is that you? It has been a long time. How are you doing and what are you doing here at my hospital bedside?"

Everyone was equally surprised by these comments, and once again Meredith was amazed at what and when her mother remembered things.

Tom told Ellis that he was here to visit with her and to be with Meredith, and to help out in whatever way he could.

"Tom, you have always been just fabulous to Meredith, and as a mother I truly appreciate it."

"That's very easy to do Dr. Grey; Meredith is a truly fabulous person. You must be very proud of your daughter, I know that I am."

"I am, but what will be truly fabulous is when you two tie the knot. I don't remember, have you two chosen a wedding date yet? I'm not getting any younger you know, and neither are you two."

"No mom we haven't, but I think that Dr. Sheppard here would like to finish examining you before we continue reminiscing if he could. We can talk about all of this later, I'm just so glad that you are awake now."

Derek said, "Actually I'm done here, you're doing great Dr. Grey. Now I'm going to go home and get some rest and I'll be back later to check in on you again. In the meantime, you have a very capable doctor right here at your bedside should you need anything. Meredith can I talk with you for a moment?"

"Sure I'll be right back" she said to her mom and Tom.

When they got out into the hallway Derek wanted to ask about her and Tom and their past and present relationship, but realizing he had no right, he said, "I know this is not the time or the place, but I want you to know that I will wait as long as I have to, to be able to explain to you what the heck is going on. I know you have a lot going on right now, and I'm not going to force the issue, but I will pursue it for as long as it takes me to get my time with you to explain this horribly messed up situation. I know that you are furiously mad and upset with me, but I can't just let it end this way. So I will give you all of the time and space you need, as long as I know that one day I will get my time to explain and to apologize to you outside of these hospital walls."

Meredith just stood there looking at him, and after a few moments said, "okay, you give me space, and at some point, I'll give you time. Deal!" And with that she walked back into her mother's room, and away from Derek, again.


End file.
